Undying
by A Writer's Right to Write
Summary: Susan was left alone after the train wreck for not believing, but can she still make it to Narnia? Can she ever just rest and find her family forever? Would Aslan forgive her for forsaking him so foolishly? One shot


**A/N: So, yeah. Just a quick little one shot that popped in my head one day.**

**DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN NARNIA PEOPLE. I'M TOO YOUNG!**

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><p><strong>Undying<strong>

She had been called blessed by most in her long life. She had grown to the awe inspiring age of hundred and twenty. Most said she was lucky to have lived for so long, to experience so much, but they did not understand. They didn't realize how wrong they were.

Susan Pevensie was not blessed with life, she was cursed with it.

She was cursed for forgetting and ignoring a magical kingdom of wonder and talking animals and kings and queens and creatures only found in the most wondrous of stories. She was punished to be alone and live in a world all alone. Her parents, her siblings, her cousin, her husband and her children all died young to force her alone.

She remembered the train accident and how she received the news. She had been getting ready for another party, to enjoy herself even more in the splendors of the world when she had been told everyone she loved was killed. In one fell swoop she had lost her family in a way that even the Great War had not done. She had cried for months and lost contact with rest of the people she once called friends.

She had packed their things and arranged the funeral and left England for the rest of her life. She moved to America…to New York. She was able to create a life there and finally move on with her life. She had met a wonderful man, and with him had a set of twins to call her own. She was finally happy and ready to live her life once more.

Until the fire came.

The cause was unknown and still baffled everyone to this day. It was as if one day the apartment complex she lived in decided to just set fire, so it did. No one survived the fire. No one except Susan.

She had been dying; she remembered that as she had been dying many times already. A great roar reverberated around her as she planned to close her eyes for the final time and suddenly she was gasping for air in an ambulance and the doctors were calling it a miracle.

She knew it wasn't a miracle however, but a punishment. For what miracle would allow her to live, and yet let her kind husband and three month year old little girls die? She knew the roar as she had always known (even if she never had wanted to admit it). Aslan had come and ordered death away. Aslan had saved her life, but not out of goodness. It was a punishment for forgetting him and forsaking Narnia.

She had moved again, all the way to California. She had loved again and agreed to marriage. When the ceremony had finished and the limo they had drove off, it crashed along with another. Again she found the majestic roar as she was about to die, and again she lived. Again she lived while no other died.

That had broken her. She had no want or need to continue living if she could live with no other. How could someone live with no one to share it with her? She had attempted to kill herself after that, slitting her own wrists. She had done it so thoroughly that it would be impossible to live. And, as death nearly claimed the woman of forty, the roar came once more. She awoke in her bedroom to find her wrists as clean and healthy as they had always been. It was as if her attempt had been a dream.

For twenty years, she had attempted to kill herself everyday and each time it was the same. She couldn't die. She couldn't return to Narnia where surely the people she loved lived. She would live in the world she claimed as real and be denied the world of fairytales.

So, she lived her life as routine. Never talking, never seeking joy or experiencing. She simply existed in this world, and when she nearly died the roar always came and she lived once again. On and on it went, and even now at a hundred and twenty years old, she was reawakened by the majestic strong roar of Aslan. The doctors were baffled and news papers had discovered her supposed miraculous life. People always came to her asking what it was like to live this long.

She spoke only one word, and it was the only word she had spoken since she stopped trying to kill herself: lonely. She had no one because she could have no one. Every day she awoke to curled hair, a dress laid out and lipstick by her stand. The things she had let consume her when her siblings, cousin and parents died. They mocked her and reminded her of what she had forsaken Narnia for. What she had forsaken Aslan for.

And, then she was a hundred and forty years old and the oldest living person in the world. She smiled ruefully as she felt her heart go out once more and listened for the expected roar. It had not come and she died.

All around her was a majestic kingdom and within the place she called home, she found her siblings waiting for her. She cried tears of joy to see them, and her little girls were there looking no older than six year olds. She had grown young again just as her siblings no longer looked to have aged since the day they died; she looked the age they had died.

She ran to them in joy and nearly enveloped them in a hug when a familiar roar reverberated around them, and the majestic Aslan leapt in front of her. She had frozen, fearful as his eyes, once full of love and tenderness but now cold and indifferent, stared her down.

She didn't understand what more he wanted from her. She had lived his punishment and suffered for forsaking him. She had remembered and believed in Narnia and in Him. She didn't know what else she was to do, and so she asked.

He had told her, she should have carried out His story and her story. She should have done the good things He had taught her. She should have carried on the wishes of her siblings. Instead she allowed her grief to consume her. She bore children from that grief, so he had taken them away before they could be tainted by it. She had married again out of grief and He had spared her new husband the agony of their failings.

Aslan had blessed her with life again and again so she could make her world a better place, but she had ignored him. She had carried out his blessings as a curse and did nothing with her life. She forgot that he wished her happiness, and so even if she remembered Him and Narnia, she had still forsaken Him. She had forsaken everything in her selfishness and could no longer stay here.

He stripped her of her title and of her throne. She was banished to an unknown part of Narnia to live alone. A part where animals didn't talk, trees didn't dance and sing, and where no other human lived. From now until eternity she would live in this small country all alone for her sins.

Susan had made it to Narnia. She had seen her family. She had met Aslan. And, she was cursed with eternity to know that even though she was in Narnia, she would never see anyone she loved again. She was eternally damned for her sins and she could do nothing about it.

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><p><strong>AN2: So, I've always read how Susan found happiness upon her return to Narnia. I just thought, what if it wasn't so splendid? Aslan a nice guy...lion, and quite forgiving but not always. Susan had forsaken him and everything he stood for. This was her punishment, and it makes me real sad to think about it.**

**I personally always felt bad for Susan, and in my own twisted way, this is how depressing I think her life could turn out if she doesn't become the person Aslan expects of her. I always thought it was wrong that Susan was denounced though for thinking of Narnia as a childish game. Aslan told her she was too old for Narnia and she was never to return, so she instead decided to live her life on Earth unlike her siblings who let themselves be consumed by Narnia. She did as she should have been expected to do, and Peter, Edmund and Lucy were the ones who actually went against Aslan's wishes by wishing to return until they did. They didn't create their own lives, they lived in a world until they died and returned to Narnia.**

**Susan made mistakes, but she at least tried to move on with her life. After all, look how willing Peter, Edmund and Lucy abandoned her for Narnia? In a way, Susan lost everything because of Narnia and that wasn't very fair to her. She lost everything because she chose to live in the world she was designated to stay rather than let herself be consumed by another she was told she would never return. I always felt the Last Battle was horrible for that, and kind of contradicted a great deal of what was taught to Susan and Peter during the first two books at least.**


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